What does the future hold?

I have been reflecting on how I felt this time last year - everything felt wrong but I didn't understand why. And with the coming of the new year (2008), I clung on to the hope that perhaps the start of the new year would bring about something magical in my circumstances. Maybe things would shift. Maybe I would learn whatever it was that I was meant to learn, and then God would bring me out of this horrible season. Maybe I'd just feel a lot better after I rested. Maybe ...

Interestingly enough, I really felt God speak a word over my 2008 - and that was 'breakthrough'. I've had a pretty tough last three years anyway, so I figured it was about time things got better! But 2008 came, and come March I didn't feel any better - actually I felt much worse!

I remember one night being so agitated that I started to paint my nails to take my mind off everything. Now one of my finger nails always gave me problems when it came to nail-polish. The surface of the nail wasn't smooth, so no matter how many layers I tried to put on, it NEVER looked smooth. In fact, the more layers I applied, the uglier it became!

I felt God speak to me clearly that night. No amount of polish was going to hide the fact that my nail was rough. The harder I tried, the worse it became. In the same way, all that effort of trying to overcome my agitation and pain myself was only making things worse and showing off my true nature more clearly. The only way things could change was if the surface of the nail itself was smoothened. The only way I could breakthrough was if God did some deep work on my heart.

As I pondered on the events of 2008, I realised God has done just that in specific areas of my life. I've learnt a very precious truth that God can be trusted in every circumstance. Only God can use the difficult and painful circumstances of life and weave it into something beautiful.

So now I come again to the same time of the year, contemplating what my future holds in 2009.
Personally for me, one verse has been captivating me in the last few weeks. Eph 1:5 (NLT) 'God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure.' As I ponder on its amazing meaning, I have felt God breathe one word into my 2009, 'Intimacy'.

I don't know what 2009 will be like. I don't know how God is going to work in my life to teach me or grow me, just as I didn't know how my 2008 was going turn out. There are so many things unknown, but one thing is certain, that 'the word of the Lord holds true and we can trust everything He does' Ps 33:4 (NLT).

2008 has been a year where this verse has proved itself in my life, and I pray that it will be so for you. Your future may be uncertain and life might feel a little too scary and unknown - but we have a God we can trust. May 2009 be a year where we shed off another layer and allow God's word to penetrate deep into our hearts, to change us from the inside out.

Fav verses in 2008

Psalm 18:28-34

Have you ever been so frustrated with yourself and your lack of ability to fully represent God? This has been a constant struggle especially in my last four years in Adelaide. I have never been more aware of my frailty, my weakness, my cowardice - and oh so frustrated that when I should be loving, I hurt others; when I should be patient, I get angry; when I should speak out, I stay silent... and the list goes on.

I remember Easter 2006 reading Psalm 18:28-34, and being captivated by verse 28

For You will light my lamp;
the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness (v28)

I have been thinking about it for the last few years and have come to several conclusions so far.

One obvious meaning is that God is my guide - He lights up my way.

It is God ... who makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of deer ... (v32-33)

Looking back at God's guidance in my life, these verses resound within me because I know He has made my way perfect and continues to do that (see also Prov 119:105). Sometimes God's path has not seemed perfect because it has brought me to dark places. But I have come to realise that not all dark places are due to disobedience and sin.

In Isaiah 50:10 the question is asked "Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys the voice of His Servant? Who walks in darkness and has no light?" The same person was referred to in those three questions, i.e. the one who fears and obeys God YET walks in darkness, (not referring to the darkness of sin). His inferred encouragement to us in Isa 50:11 is to trust in God to light up our darkness as he sternly warns those who would try to kindle their own fires that they would 'lie down in torment'! What a comfort to know that life sometimes throws us into dark situations, and when all seems dark, God promises to light up our darkness if we keep trusting in Him.

The other thought is that God is the one who makes me 'a light' for Him. Matt 5:14 tells us that as Christians we are the light of the world. I don't have to try to make myself shine brightly - it is God who does it. Isn't it amazing that God does the impossible and places this precious light in our frail clay vessels (see 2 Cor 4:6-7)!

Again, as I look back, I see God's hand in my life, using people, experiences, and all sorts of circumstances in order to make me His light

For by You I can run against a troop,
by my God I can leap over a wall. (v29)
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of deer
and sets me on high places
He teaches my hands to make war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze (v32-34)

Sometimes (actually most times) I've not really appreciated His method of strengthening me or 'teaching my hands to make war'. It's been pretty uncomfortable, often painful. Yet as I look back, I see that God's discipline afterwards yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have allowed themselves to be trained (Heb 12:11). There have been many things I would never have understood or appreciated without the painful training.

Psalm 18:28-34 has become one of my favourite passages - loaded with personal meaning as I reflect on how God has been my guide, and has lighted my life in dark times, and has placed His light in me so that I can reflect Him to others. Nothing sums it up better that verse 30

As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven,
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.