Phil 4:8-9

So, a week has sort of passed. Still working through stuff. I guess the whole presenting requests through prayer with thanksgiving bit is just really the beginning. You know, sometimes you wish that once you've received some sort of revelation it would just revolutionise your world instantly. But the older I'm getting, ;) the more it's finally sinking in that there really are no long term magic shortcuts to Christian maturity.

Take for example Phil 4:8. I used to really really dislike that verse. I mean, don't you think it seems totally IMPOSSIBLE to always think about things that are true, noble, lovely, of good report, praiseworthy? My default seems set on worst-case scenarios and negativity. (I reckon there should be exceptions for perfectionist / melancholic type personalities.)

Then ... it follows on with Phil 4:9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do and the God of peace will be with you.

And it really hit me that day. I KNOW how to "diagnose" my problems and what I'm feeling and going through. I know what the word of God says about what I am experiencing. I've gone to others to learn and receive from them and they've basically said things I already sort of knew.
But there is a difference between knowing what to do AND actually doing what I know. The agitation and emotional distress I fight almost daily show me that although in theory I know what I should be doing, I am not really doing it consistently yet.

But ... it's getting better ... and even though at times I feel like I'm never going to change, I know that that's just my melancholic disposition expressing itself. And deep down, I know there is power to change. God has brought me this far, and He will complete what He has begun in me. I just need to keep taking one step at a time in the right direction.

Phil 4:6-7

I have been feeling agitated, stressed out, messed up - you know the generally feeling when nothing seems to be going right in the world. Life keeps going on regardless of how you feel and so issues and decisions just sort of pile up on each other. On top of this, I feel God's nudging to become bigger and deal with character-type stuff. Sigh. It's almost as if nothing has changed from the last year, only intensified. And I don't feel like I'm any closer to overcoming than I've been before. But maybe I am - who knows. At least I don't feel as defeated.

One night I remember attempting to demand that God took me out of my misery. And I was drawn to Phil 4:6-13. I have read this passage a million times already, and was almost thinking that it was waste of my effort. I've done the "thank you God" and "presenting my requests" bit so often - and although the promise that God's peace would guard my heart and mind would sort of come to pass, it was always temporary.

How do you have God's peace ALL THE TIME?!?!

I read a different version from the Message bible which read like this:
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Phil 4:6-7 (MSG)

I guess sometimes what I mean by wanting God's peace is more having an answer or an assurance that things will work out the way I want it to work out. Instead, God's peace has more to do with knowing that He is totally in control and that no matter what happens, it's going to be okay because I have Christ.

I suppose if I was assured of that one constant (Jesus is with me) then it IS possible for me to have God's peace all the time. And perhaps this whole struggle for peace is more a journey of discovery, for me, that all I really do need is Jesus.