It has been an interesting journey the last 6 months. I have felt God nudging me forward (maybe even pushing me :)) and at each stage, I have become acutely aware of the need of owning what God is saying to me.
When I was a teenager, I had this limitless (naïve) belief and courage - I wanted to change the world and I believed God would use me. Then I grew a little older and realised that changing the world was a little more complex then I first imagined. I couldn't even really change myself. On my own, that is. And I learnt firsthand the grace of God in my life and in everyone else's - how He changes us AND wants to use us to change the world.
But just as God allowed a time of stripping of selfish motivations and self-confidence, He now invites me to grow in my confidence of Him. Never have I felt it more than now, especially when people ask me about what I am doing in Wycliffe. I feel almost apologetic and unsure. Of course, part of it is due to the fact that this is a transition period, and I am not entirely sure yet what it will look like. But deep down, I can sense a little bit of fear - do I really know what I'm doing??? What if I'm wrong? What if Aileen is wrong and I'm not suited for the task after all?
So last Sunday, I felt God remind me again "You were chosen because of HEART, not ability".
Sure, I guess God puts us in places where the gifts He has given us in the first place will fit , and I don't deny that there is some need to make sure our ability and our task matches up somehow. But I think sometimes (or maybe often times) God puts us in positions that we grow into. And at the start, I may not feel as if I really have the ability - but God knows what I will become.
You were chosen because of HEART - I was reminded of the woman of with the alabaster jar (Mark 14:3-6). How she gave of everything she had. She not only gave of her money, she risked her reputation and endured the questions of a group of men who assumed they knew her heart. It seemed like a waste - but Jesus understood her heart. He defended her and promised that 'wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed'.
And so it is today. Her story captures the imagination of millions as we ponder - what was she thinking? What drove her to do such a brave and unusual act? How did she feel as she walked in that room? As we read story, we smell the fragrance of that expensive perfume, just as if we were in the room - the fragrance of an open and extravagant heart, overflowing with love for her Master.